How to survive a noraebang with a bad voice...

Here's the question:

How do you sing well in a noraebang if you're not a good singer?

You've come to the right place on this one. I've got to be one of the worst, most tone-deaf singers ever, yet I used to frequent the places somewhat regularly. The following advice is actually more what I used to do to cover my horrid singing skills.

Sing very popular songs...

If you sing a popular song it usually means a lot of other people are going to get into it as well. You should also shoot for a loud one so you can blend in with the others. We used to always sway in a big group while the mic was passed from person to person. I made sure that the mic didn't stay in front of me for too long. Under the Bridge should suffice even though it's kind of a mellow song. Everyone knows the words whether they want to or not.

Sing songs that you really love...

If you really love a song and have listened to it thousands of times, then you can usually mimic the voice pretty well. I love the Grateful Dead and I can mimic Bob Weir's voice quite well, so when I'm singing in the shower, Cassidy usually comes out. However, Korean noraebangs typically don't have Grateful Dead songs, so that doesn't work for me. Hopefully, your favorites will be in there.

Look for easy hooks...

Songs with simple hooks are perfect. I'm not talking Heat Wave here, but some songs have hooks that aren't that easy for bad singers. I usually go for "Night Moves".

Rap and hip-hop...

This brings up another set of challenges for me. I can't keep up with the speed, but some people can really nail it. If you've got good rhythm and know the words, go for a rap song. Your speed alone might be enough to dilute your poor vocals. Most noraebangs have "Changes" by Tupac which seems to be the only one I know.

Be the tambourine guy

I know it's lame, but sometimes tapping or even clapping is just easier. It worked for the sax player in "Dancin' in the Dark".

Dance

Bust out the moves and minimize your time on the mic. Not only will people appreciate the show, but you can showcase some of your badass and long-retired dance steps. Maybe a little "Jam On It" by Newcleus?

Drink

Hold a bottle of beer or soju and encourage everyone to drink with you. Drunk people don't care or remember how bad you might have sang "Piano Man", but they do remember how much fun it was.

Who the f*ck cares?

Who cares if you sing well. Unless you're trying to impress a boss or a potential partner, you're there for fun with friends. Let loose and shriek Queen as loud as you can.

And now for my favorite noraebang song (which doesn't work with my voice at all)...



Fun question. Thank you questioner "Marsha G".

Anybody have any more advice or personal favorites?

Where do young Koreans go for sex?

Here's the question:

I have a short question: Where do young Koreans go to have sex? I mean, they all live with their parents, right?

Short question with a long answer. I'm going to broaden the scope of the question by expanding "sex" to include all forms of hanky panky.

You are correct that Koreans tend to live with their parents until marriage. There are exceptions to that (moving to Seoul from X small/country city, divorced parents, good job, long commutes etc...) and more and more Koreans are choosing to move out, but the norm is still to stay at home, especially considering housing costs. The Grand Narrative has an excellent write-up on Flatting, Premarital Sex and Cohabitation in Korea, so check that out for sure. I can't any solid "First Age of Sex" surveys on Korea, but I did find this one.



I took the average of the East Asian countries in the survey and hit close to 18 which is just above the global average. I don't have any reasons to think that Korea is that much different than their neighbors, but I'm sure some of you Korean sociologists might be able to add some thoughts.

So, with all of these people living at home, it begs the question as to where they are going to have a little consensual fun. We know that the people in or beyond their late 20's (with money and a little courage) can simply stop by their friendly neighborhood love motel when the urge hits, but what about the rest of the youngsters? Going to a love motel is pretty suggestive, a little more pricey and if people just was a little over-the-shirt lovin', a motel might be too much.

There are options...

DVD Rooms

Judging by the name, these places seem quite innocent, but once you walk in the door and find a bed or huge bed-like couch where the standard couch used to be as little as five years ago, that innocence disappears. I can't find the link, but a few weeks ago, I saw a survey on Naver which said that the number one place for "college students to have sex for the first time" was in DVD rooms. Korea Times also has an article mirroring those results. They're cheap, sound harmless and carry less of a stigma than the love motel.

Noraebang

Like the DVD rooms, the noraebang typically offers privacy, low prices and very little shame. A young couple can go in there and sing, dance, smoke, drink and smooch as much or little as they want.

Love Motels

You all know the love motels by now. I wrote about them and Brian loves to write about them. They come fully equipped with lotions, condoms, tissues, overly fancy shower and bathing facilities and, of course, softcore Korean porn to help the shy young lovers get in the mood. While going to these places might be a bit intimidating for first-timers, the sheer seediness will take care of that apprehension. They're also pretty cheap and oftentimes have hourly rates.

The Park

Don't believe me? Go to Hangang Park late at night on the weekends. Not only will you see the sex-starved twenty-somethings snuggling all day under their blankets in plain view, but when the sun goes down, the action can get a little more heated. No, there are not people getting too wild or anything, but there certainly is something going on. The LGBT scene has got some different rules. I've talked about it a lot on Ask the Expat, but Korea Beat has a good amount on the subject as well.

I'm sure there are a whole host of other spots that I don't know about either as it changes from generation to generation. For instance, the older generation used to head to the drive-in theaters. I'm pretty sure there was no Back Seat Betty's frequenting city overlooks, but it was certainly done one way or another in Korea. Another spot that you can still find around the country is a "dabang" (다방). Many of you will know these places as a discrete place where hookers entertain their guests, but many years ago (1970-80s), these places used to be more varied and innocent. There were the ones with ladies of the night and the ones where young couples could escape from the grips of their parents, drink coffee, chat, listen to a Korean DJ and even get a little close in partitioned cubicles. The latter aspect of the dabang is not seen anymore as they have been totally taken over by the sex industry or have changed themes completely.

So, the youngsters are out there and they appear to be having some success in finding a little privacy. Did I miss any?

Room Salons in South Korea: Who's Going?

Here's the (paraphrases) question:

I am American in the US dating Korean Guy. He goes to Korea for business and drinks every night with friends, but not his boss. I figured it was like going to family restaurant or something along that line. He also said he has to go to karaoke room salon. He said its nothing to worry about and that its where professional singers come and teach you to sing karaoke. This does not compute to me. Can you please tell me the truth about room salons and if there are really salons for singing lessons? I just want to know if this is really what this is about.

I doubt it's a family restaurant. I'm sure he's probably just going to a hof or barbeque joint with his buddies. That seems harmless enough. Furthermore, it's not my place to point the finger at your boyfriend. I think the fact that your boyfriend told you about the places suggests some sort of innocence (or perhaps ignorance). I can, however, shed a little light on the rest of the question.

Rather than talking about the details of room salons and what they really are, let me offer an extremely abbreviated version. Room salons are technically "singing rooms" where "doumi girls" or female attendants flirt, tease and encourage you -the customer- to continue buying overpriced booze. The following picture is not what typically happens in these places.



If the men are feeling frisky or the host for the evening needs to impress his potential clients, the party can continue on to a "second-place". It could be a whiskey bar, but at this point in the night, drinking is not the goal. They'll usually skip the bars and head straight to a love motel. Of course, the girls can't just leave the room salon, so a price must be negotiated and if it's right (usually 300,000-500,000 won per girl), the girls inform their boss and transform from "attendants" to "escorts". At the end of it all, the customers have paid hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars, the girls give a cut to their boss and the night is over.

I'm not sure how much of a cut they get, but I do know that there are room salon girls called "10% girls" who are apparently the best of the best and only have to give 10% of their "extra" earnings to the salon. I assume everyone else must pay more than that back to the salon.

I gotta admit that I laughed out loud when I read the part about singing lessons. The questioner certainly has a boyfriend with a creative mind, but unfortunately, he didn't use the Korean businessman playbook. Korean women and wives know what's happening at these places and most of them hate the thought of their husbands or boyfriends frequenting the establishments, so the men must be careful in how they present their evening at the room salons.

Rule 1: Always say how much you hate the places.

If you admit that you have fun or enjoy going to these places, then it's over. To women and especially significant others, men must always say how much they hate the places and some might even go so far as to acknowledge that employing women is such a manner is wrong. Whether they're telling the truth is their own business.

Rule 2: Blame your boss. Even if you went with friends, blame the boss because he "forced you" to go.

This is probably the most common excuse. It should be said that Korea is an extremely collective society and doing things together (especially in business) is very common. I have not worked in a Korean business setting, but my wife and friends have and they always complained about how forceful the bosses could be about eating and drinking together. All Koreans understand this system which is why it is a great excuse for men (and women for that matter). "My boss made me go." or "What was I supposed to say, honey? You want me to succeed in the company, right?" Of course, men go on their own just as much as with their bosses, but the boss just happens to be the perfect scapegoat whether they were there or not. For instance, I knew several young businessmen who were given a company credit card for entertaining potential clients. Each employee got a 300,000 won allowance per client. What they would do is inflate the client numbers and go out together to room salons with two or three clients rather than the eight to ten they claimed to be entertaining. Why? Their "boss made them".

Rule 3: If you're the boss, then stress the fact that by entertaining clients (or co-workers) at the salons, you can make a lot of money in return (or increase team cooperation).

My personal favorite here. I was recently talking to a gentlemen who looked especially tired one morning. His eyes were red and hair a disheveled mess. I asked him what happened and he told him about his previous evening at the room salons and how he spent over 4,000,000 won. I was blown away by the amount. How could he justify it to his wife? Well first of all, he has (like many Korean men I know) a secret bank account which his wife does not know about. I should say that not all "secret accounts" are for room salons though. Some men use it to treat friends to dinner because they know their wife would protest the gesture. Second of all, he claimed that if he spent four-grand entertaining his clients for the night, it meant that he would make twenty-grand in sales. "It's like a necessary evil", he said.

So, who goes to these places? Everyone. Well, not everyone, but it's safe to say that a large majority of Korean businessmen have spent many blurred nights in these establishments. And if you think I'm exaggerating, then consider that nearly 80% of married peninsula-based Korean men have admitted to having an affair at some point during their marriage while only 17% of females admit to the same. That disparity suggests that men are going somewhere for their kicks and I doubt they're all going to Korean housewife hookers. And if that number doesn't do it for you, then consider the fact that Korea has managed to add girls into nearly every public entertainment facility and that current President Lee Myung-bak used to own a building where prostitution was thriving. There is a certain subtle, yet widespread acceptance of these establishments, so I wouldn't necessarily presume that you're boyfriend is doing anything shady...yet.

I have also talked about this to married women and all of them choose to believe that their husband is simply working late. That may or may not be true, but they don't see the value in asking too many questions about it. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Monkey Beach and Lose Control in Bundang

Here's the question:

Hi there, have been in Bundang a while but haven't been able to find Lose Control or MOnkey Bar (apparently it's now called Last Angel). Could you tell me where they are @ Seohyeon station?

Honestly, I haven't been to bars in Bundang since Carne Station closed down in 2007. I had to look this one up on Galbijim. I have a feeling that by Monkey Bar, you might mean Monkey Beach. If that's what you mean, Galbijim offers this:

Frequently a hangout for ESL teachers and G.I.s it's not uncommon to find locals as well frequently up for conversations with native English speakers. Previously as cheap as 2000 won for a draft beer the price increased between 2006 and 2008. Draft beer is now still reasonable at 3000 won.

Leave Samsung Plaza to the Krispy Kreme side. In the second building on the left on the third floor you will find an easily recognizable red Monkey Head logo on a black door.

As for Lose Control, I'm just not sure. I know it's close to Samsung Plaza, but that's all I got. There's no website or mention of directions on the web, so again, I must appeal to my readers.

Where is Lose Control in Bundang?

Gay Saunas in South Korea

Here's the question:

I was told about these saunas that are like bathhouses and apparently they are everywhere in Korea. [I was told] HOT guys shower together, and rub each other in the shower. Is this true? How far EXACTLY do they go?

What's the type of legality on this, and as a foreigner with a large carriage, can I participate?

I remember reading about these places before coming to Korea and in my handbook, it referred to them as "bathhouses". Of course, bathhouses in the West are known for their popularity among gay/bi/curious cruisers, so I was a bit confused. In fact, if you type "bathhouses" into Google, the first result is a Wikipedia article on Gay Bathhouses. For the most part, the bathhouses, saunas or Jjimjilbang in Korea are, for the most part NOT cruising sites and certainly wouldn't be friendly to someone who tried to make them that way. I recommend reading Galbijims write-up on these saunas. It'll help you get a good feel for what's actually going on in these widely popular establishments.

I am not the biggest fan of the saunas in Korea. First of all, I don't like being hot for any period of time and throw that in with the high level of interest that foreign men (I can't speak for women) get when they enter these facilities, it makes for more stress than relief. However, I have a lot of friends who really enjoy it. In my experience, an overwhelming majority of the men in the saunas are older. Maybe it was the location I chose, but I didn't see many "hot guys" in there. Even if there were, it wouldn't make a difference. Cleanliness and relaxation are the goals, not sex or rubbernecking.

In fact, these places are viewed in such a non-sexual light that there was a recent television commercial innocently showing toddlers washing each other in what was supposed to be a public shower. I was shocked when I first saw it, but my Korean wife didn't think there was anything odd about it. She thought it was cute. There's also a popular Korean comedy show which takes place in a sauna. They sing, dance and play games.

There are some things that happen in Korea (just like any country) that simply don't make sense to me, but makes perfect sense to Koreans. A couple years ago, a few Korean friends and I were at a park and we saw two teenage boys massaging and rubbing each other. I assumed that they were gay and made a comment about it. My friends rejected my interpretation and claimed that the boys were helping each other relieve stress because high-school life in Korea can be very demanding. It doesn't matter why they were doing it though. The point was that many Koreans, unlike myself -an American, don't automatically assume that something is sexual or related to sexuality.

Take this for instance: I know many Koreans who semi-regularly visit the saunas with their parents and/or children and all of them routinely wash each others backs. When I first heard of people doing this, I was a little grossed out. I mean, imagining myself in such a situation with my father is almost enough to cause nausea, but it is viewed as a perfectly normal and perhaps even a bonding experience among our Korean brethren.

So, by all means go and enjoy the many saunas of the nation, but understand that nearly all of them have zero tolerance for sexual activity. If you start rubbing another man for any reason other than cleaning, I imagine a fist might be coming your way. I do think it would be a funny dare though.

Still, there are some places where you can go if you're looking for a place to cruise or find a little action. The highest concentration of LGBT bars and clubs reside in Jongno, Hongdae and Itaewon, so the gay saunas tend to be in and around those districts. Utopia Asia has a lot of information on gay culture and hotspots in Korea and they have an interesting page on gay saunas as well. Make sure to take a look at what it has to offer, but I want to use a couple comments from the site.

"Went to Mun Hwa last Sat nite around 1:30am...Man, it was full. It's a good place for people who are into older men of 30+...I had a good time. Just lie down and guys will be on you in no time. They don't play safe, so carry lube and condoms...The sauna was filthy and so were the toilets."

...and...

"If you enter Bosuk, you will feel like you are in a regular straight sauna, and it probably is...until you go to the sleeping area. You will get to see some action, although quite discreet. Normally at the 1/F sleeping area or in the hidden corner on 2/F. Just lay down and pretty soon someone will lay next to you, although I don't see how things can go far here as there are many straight people sleeping as well! BTW, no foreigners here, so you can get very spotlighted."

Two totally different takes on the scene. I'm sure after visiting a few places, one would understand the system a little bit more, but what it sounds like is that very few of the places are advertised as "Gay Saunas". As the other posters on that site mentioned, you must be discreet since there is a mix of straight men sleeping and gay/bi men cruising. You might be able to find a place with private rooms, but I think most places are going to offer public sleeping rooms which are frequently checked by staff. Again, South Korea does not have any laws against homosexuality (aside from military service), so the staff is not looking for criminals. They're just trying to keep their sauna from becoming a hotspot for such activity.

I also found it interesting that so many people claimed that Korean men didn't carry or use protection. For a nation that spends a lot of time telling its people that foreigners have AIDS, I would think that having unprotected sex in bathhouses with foreigners would be unheard of. Then again, contraception in Korea is an interesting topic unto itself.

So, ultimately, you are not going to be walking into a shower or sauna full of young, "hot guys". From what most of the comments over at Utopia said, you'll most likely be walking into a dark, quiet sleeping room full of older men that may or may not be willing to give a big foreigner a chance. Now, I'm sure there are some hidden places in Itaewon that will work just fine for you, but I think it's better to paint the sauna scene is Korea as a very non-sexual one that is for cleaning and relaxing, rather than romance and cruising.

Like my last post on gay behavior in Korea, I hope that some readers might be able to add their thoughts. They were quite valuable last time.

"What Sub" Beer and Liquor Bar in Gangnam

Here's the question:

How exactly do you get to What Sub? I know where Castle Praha is since it's on the main street but those little side streets are so confusing.

I've actually gotten three questions about "What Sub" since my failed attempt to convince a fellow expat to give Korea a chance before running back home. Managing the side streets of Gangnam is a pain. Everything looks the same and after a few drinks, patience for searching usually runs thin pretty quickly. I remember a couple years ago we were searching for "Woodstock 2" and ended up spending over an hour walking in circles on the same two roads. We never found it either. That doesn't need to happen and since I live in the area, I can offer simple directions to "What Sub".



Looks hard, right. All you gotta do is walk out Gangnam Station exit 7. Go straight until you reach the McDonald's and City Theatre on your right. Just past McDonald's there's a small road that runs into the main drag. Walk up the hill. You'll reach a small side road running parallel to the main road. Cross it and keep walking up the hill. Once you cross that little road, start looking up and to your right. "What Sub" is about the 4th building on your right.



Once you see the building, the door is on the right.



The bar is on the third floor. Enjoy!

If anybody has any questions, just send me an email at asktheexpat@yahoo.com or leave a comment.